Feeling damn fucked up right now.

Yes, no matter how much I tried controlling my use of it, all I want to do now is to curse and swear.

I want to beat the living shit out of someone/ anyone/ something/ anything.

Nothing changed. Nothing ever freakin works out. No matter how much I work.

No one ever understands either. Look past my eyes and tell me you see the pain. You never learn, deepshits.

On the verge tears, but no one will ever know anyway. No one will ever CARE.

Someone teach me how to vent my frustrations. Blogging doesn’t work, doing this only stacks the pain.

I so daringly raised my hand yesterday, aiming for 6 As. Hohoho. No I’m not overestimating myself. I shall make the impossible possible. Confidence is coming back to me.

Though I’m really tired these days.. Well, at least I’ve managed to stay awake for every lesson for 2 days, even Chem. But when I get home I’m so tired and shag I just want to sleep. Maybe I shall not even read Things Fall Apart on the bus.. Just sleep for the 20 minutes journey.

Haven’t even done a thing today either. Shall make up for lost time during tomorrow’s reading period/ recess/ lunch.

And I have decided, to only use my computer at 9pm EVERYDAY (try my best for weekends :X). Don’t want to get distracted so easily anymore.. Because, I simply want 6 As.

BOOYA, THE FIGHT BEGINS TOMORROW. AND I’LL BEGIN WITH AN EPIC COUNTER, FOLLOWED BY AN UPPERCUT, AND THEN FINISH OFF WITH A STRAIGHT WITH FULL STRENGTH. Random much.

Ok I shall provide analysis for non-lit students.

Here, counter refers to a counter strategy, which is my plan to only use comp at 9pm each day.
When you do an uppercut, your punch begins from the bottom and goes up, referring to my picking up whatever knowledge that I should know by the exams if I haven’t done so. EPIC MUGGING.
The straight with full strength, my final blow in this ‘boxing match’, means just PIA when it’s finall the EOYs!!!

Ok random much. kthxbai.

Omg.

Tired and shag like omg for dk what reason even though I slept enough the night before.

EOYs are so near. Mug mug mug.

Meh.

Just walk on.

Yes, just walk on. Ignore the previous posts.. I guess I got over it, maybe? I had to.

I have a life to live. If might have death wishes at times, but “nothing changes even if I die. However, if I live, there will be some things that can change”. So probably unconsciously I chose to forget and move on. Maybe that’s it. I guess Phil (my epic cousin), helped a lot, even with just words. Not to mention Mr Noweherman on the tagboard.

Yes, I’ll live I’ll live I’ll live. I may abuse myself but I’ll still live.

Though certain glitches in my life still bother me every now and then.

I guess, if one’s first friend that accepts you, but leaves you (I dare not say love, we were still young then), is the most unforgettable one..

A certain miss was there when I needed encouragement, as was I when she was the one needing help. Of course it’s a thing of the past.

Maybe Pisces and Gemini are really incompatible. *shrugs*. Or maybe it’s just me.

Bleh.

赵永勤：最好放弃吧，你是没有机会的。很明显的她跟他比较要好，就忘了她吧，忘了对她的感受，忘了曾为她做的事。反正她似乎都不在乎，还是最好松手吧，别再想跟她在一起了。说不定这样你会更开心。

A lot of randoms, again. Sentence structure not perfect today, sorry.

Back from camp, something unexpected happened and made me feel sort of… guilty for the whole of the day.

So I did what would have been voted as the right thing to do. Of course I had to throw away my pride, again. But.. forgive and forget right? Though I still question myself: was it REALLY the right thing to do? Only time will tell, I guess.

From Phil: Hey cousin; It’s probably a hard time for you right now, stressed up an’ all, but, hey, life isn’t that bad as long as you can laugh. Live life everyday as if it’s your last, I know, easier said than done. But sometimes, when you don’t care as much, everything becomes easier. Take life as it comes, don’t try to take everything on at once. Talk to someone you can trust, really. Or, just go for jogs.

Love my cousins. I guess he understands what I’m going through right now?

This year has been a meaningful year. For real. I’ve learnt much, in my studies and in badminton, and well, not to mention, about life in general.

Have learnt to be patient about my progress in studies. Improvement or not, you still learn. But of course, it’s still best if I’ve managed to improve.

Managing my studies with badminton. Now this is the hard part. I haven’t done this very well. But for this term, I think I did okay. My studies did improve, even for a bit, and have managed to make at least some progress in badminton. Hope it continues, I believe I still have a chance next year. Dedication to the sport, and to studies. Sacrifice free time.

Now personal life, really the toughest aspect of today’s post. Rather poor at managing stress and emotions at times. Fiery temper whenever I just don’t feel too good about something.
Feeling rather lonely too. May have made some new friends in the new class, but I think everywhere I got I feel like I’m third party. Okay, actually same with old friends. Batch mates (even though it’s kinda fun being with them). Maybe lost a few friends too.
Pfft.

Real friends are really hard to find.

One’s imagination may be the perfect world, but I don’t live in my own imagination, I don’t get what I want. I have to just live with it I guess. And maybe hope and pray too.

More randoms today.

-I want to get away from everything. Fuck. More scars.

-Everyday, everywhere I go, I have to pretend to be happy. Heck, I don’t know if those smiles and laughter are real anymore.

-I’ve lost so much confidence. I know because now I shuffle my feet when I walk. Sigh.

-I’ve lied, again, and I guess I can never stop now.

-爱不是谁比谁付出的多，是你跟谁在一起比较开心。因为你跟他在一起较快乐，你把我所做的在一个星期内忘了，也把我所为你说的话忘得一干二净。