Archive for July, 2010

I want to keep a diary. I mean a diary diary. Not a blog diary.

Sometimes there are things that are more convenient to write in a diary than in a blog. Because everyone would be seeing this.

I wondered if you could find out about my feelings for you, somehow. Though if you do, it could be catastrophic for me.

I wondered if there was a possibility of us dating, but that’s just another dream. Fml~

Life isn’t fair at all eh? Just when I found someone I thought I could relate to. Even when I’m Pisces and you’re Cancer, even when we’re actually pretty compatible, we’re a pair that will never work out.

And I’ve got to stop daydreaming. It just makes me feel worse when I resurface back to reality.

Enough of this stuff,
THX had to scold us again today. Hais, when will the class start doing their homework? I even sent a relay twice to remind them to do their work. This sucks. We could have been having a proper and enjoyable lesson but they had to ruin it all.

We’re fortunate to have Ms Tan back as our form teacher, but some people just don’t appreciate her at all.


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Suddenly thought about Lit. So I want to post again. Haha. 3rd time today liao~

Ms Rani teaches us well, I don’t deny that.

But for me, when THX was teaching, I could concentrate better. It was because of her that I mangaged a 70% for Off Centre during MYE.

But Ms Rani.. she’s just not firm enough I guess? She’s too leniant already. People are sleeping in her class and she can’t do anything about it. With her teaching, I’m not as confident to achieve at least an A2. Urgh.

But Ms Rani, Jiayou!

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Random post.

Suddenly just remembered the time when THX brought us out after the Lit fest. Think it was everybody’s first time in West Coast Plaza and so we were asking for directions. And so she approached this man. Yeah we got directions, so we continued finding for Sakae~ And the man was like looking at her until we were out of sight. WAHAHAHA.

Omg I’m bored.

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She’s like a drug. I don’t get her to see her as often as I would want it, but a single look, a single peek, it could make me ecstatic. She’d make me forget about all my other frustrations, all my other wants and needs.

It only pains me to be aware that, we’d never have a future.
Never. Not a chance. Though I wish I could be the toothpaste to the (tooth)brush. Hahaha. Yes, I’m talking in codes.

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Last week, I saw how Christians worshipped Jesus Christ. I’m not a fan of the fellow that got crucified, but the way they did it, I was impressed. It made me feel like I did nothing for Buddhism.
Yes, I’m no fan of smoke, but I’m going to pray and burn incense every single day. *Makes a mental reminder to do it*

Did I mention TYA rocks? At first I volunteered just for the CIP points, but I guess I’ve become attached and it’s now part of my routine. I’m not very close with the people there, but they’re really friendly and fun people to be with. The few times that I’ve been there, I’ve been quite happy. Especially the Captain’s Ball sessions. Makes me relax and forget about my frustrations.
Argh, unhappy that I’ll be missing this Saturday’s session for a follo-up check on my back. 😦

I think I’ve become more responsible after coming back from the Malaysia trip. My friends mentioned I’m doing quite a good job as class chairman. :D. Been quite busy. My mind has been filled with class stuff, and I still have to think of what to say to the class tomorrow, after all I was the one who mentioned about wanting to talk to them.

Oh an email from THX.

Speaking of which, THX has been quite an inspiration. Before, I hadn’t really had any goals. Studying for the sake of studying, playing badminton for the sake of playing even though I hardly have any chance left (there’s only like less than 5 months left and I’m still playing like a dick, seriously). But she made me understand that there are much more that I can pursue. Who knows? I might be an educator when I’m older, teaching Math, English, Literature, being another inspiration, another miracle to the future generation? (Though I don’t have much patience for children)

I’m still trying though, both badminton and studies. I may not be particularly good, but it’s not the end yet. There’s still have the O levels and next year’s tournaments. Bench warmer or player, I’m still proud to be part of the team. Really.

She said I was sensible. What if I said I wanted not to be sensible, wanted to be childish?

Why, we’d probably be good friends if I wasn’t this shy. Guess this proves Waikit’s statement that single children have problems communicating socially. :/

What is this loneliness I feel?

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How did I let myself sink this deep?
How did I let these feelings grow?
I know I shouldn’t have, but I guess I couldn’t help it.
I’ve tasted a forbidden fruit haven’t I?
I’ve been desiring for something I shouldn’t have..

So this is what it meant by “Love is blind”. Or have I just been blinded by love? Irony. You gave me false hope, and I willingly believed them.

Seeing you gives me hope, gives me confidence. But it also makes me feel worthless and inferior. Maybe, just maybe, if I was a better person, someone of a different age, I could’ve been more worthy of you.

Seeing you gives me hope.

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Probably just feeling like it haha.
It’s been a while since I’ve thought so much..

“Fate brought you to me, yet it would not let us be together.”

Yes, we could never be together. We’re from different worlds. It was impossible from the start, it was like saying “goodbye” the moment we said “hi”.

Life sucks so much.

And I don’t know what else to say anymore.

If only.. forget about that. Seems all I can do is daydream.

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